Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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