I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
