kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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