dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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