in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
