Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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