How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
