A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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