How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
