Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
