if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We're too hungover to prance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize