At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She told me I should be a condom model.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We have so much sex to catch up on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
