I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
