Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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