You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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