He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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