Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
