Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
