Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
