I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
