doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize