my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
