why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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