I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
