mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
