I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
