would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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