You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
