Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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