Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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