so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
