Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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