I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
