dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
