Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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