Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want a musical about memes.
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