Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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