just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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