He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
