no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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