I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
