Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
