I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
