i may or may not be watching the land before time
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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