Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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