I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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