It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
