Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
