So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
