I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
