So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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