I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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