Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
