$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
