broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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