i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
