she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
