First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
