Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize