Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
