they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
