Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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