I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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