:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
