go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
