My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
