He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
