I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
