She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am one with the molecules
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
