where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize