Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
