After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
