At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
