I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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