My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
