She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
