My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
