Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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