i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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