so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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