I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
