Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
