when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so let's talk penis.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
