I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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