You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
