Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
