he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
