Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
