peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
