I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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