Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
