zippers are such a cool invention
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize