If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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