My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
