my mouth tastes like poor choices
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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