Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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