I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
