I faked an abortion last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize