Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
